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Sick again 
13th-May-2008 08:10 pm
When I had my last job (my last major job) I only got a limited number of sick and vacation days per year. I didn't earn them in hour increments as I do now. Most years I ended up having to be reminded to use both or I would lose them. Even then I just took a few days off and just figured out something to do at home, even if it was relax.

I SO wish that was my problem here. I have probably had more sick days at my new job in the past year than I had at my old job in the last 3 years combined. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my emotional state. While I'm not an outgoing person the people in my life (friends and family) are very dear to me. During one of my last long term relationships I really came to understand exactly how much my friends mean to me. If I'm not around my friends every few days I get antsy/weird. I simply put it as I don't "feel right".

I don't have that option here. Plus, there is also the fact that I don't have a roommate and as such this is the first time I've lived by myself. I've always had someone at home who I can watch a movie or show with, or even play a game with. That's not the case here. My "virtual" friends that I play games online with (via 360) do help keep me sane as my interaction with them has gone through no change since before I moved. Still, that's not a "real" friendship or anything. Oh, and I don't say that to demean those who I've had online friendships with. Such people have gotten me through many a tough time in my life, especially my college days. And I will reinforce that through the fact that when I go to ComicCon in July my big focus is spending time with people who I will have known at that time for 10+ years via the net but never met face to face.

So, I know the difference between "real life" friends and "internet friends". Each have the ability to keep me sane, keep me motivated, and be there for support when I need it for the most part. But, "real life" friends are "here" and "human" and in some ways more "real". I don't really have that here. I've got great co-workers but I really need to have my own life away from work and I'm just not sure how the hell to do that. The fact that most of my friends when I left home were friends from high school shows that I don't add a lot of friends. I don't think I'm "picky" but I do know what I expect of people and what I'm hoping for in what they expect of me.

My worry is that if I can't put a real life together her soon my health will continue to suffer. Even if I hit the gym regularly and get myself as physically as healthy as I can in that fashion I know I'm still going to leave myself vulnerable. Gotta figure something out. I just don't know what.
Futurama-Suicide Booth
14th-May-2008 09:37 am (UTC)
I had the same problems when I moved over here to Japan. You know that I'm the same, and I thrive on being around people that I am close to.. but when I moved here, I had none of that. I had only one roommate that was nice, but she was always clubbing and that isn't my thing. So I felt so lonely, and I got sick over and over again. I thought of leaving and it felt like I was always crying myself to sleep. But when I made some good friends (whom are now my closest friends in Japan), everything changed, and I really started to enjoy my time here. I think it'll be the same way with you, and the only real question is-- why haven't you gotten out there and made friends yet? ^o^ You're really likeable and great to be around, you're just taking a bit too much time on this. ^.~

I made my friends over the internet at first, and then through people that I met randomly. But that's much more likely to happen in a really big city like Tokyo, I think.. (though that IS how I met Karen! ^O^) Aside from the internet, what about hanging out a bit around that little comic shop you were talking about, or checking for fliers of people asking for RPG group members, or possibly check the internet for other people like that? Maybe check the bookstores and see if there's any kind of things going on that you might be interested and can meet like-minded people at? I'm sure that you'll be able to find something out there! ^^ If I can constantly meet exciting new people in a city where less than 1% of the population speak english, I'm sure that there are a lot of great people out there in Oregon too! ^^

That was a little bit long-winded, sorry.. ^^;; But it was heartfelt! ^O^
15th-May-2008 05:13 am (UTC)
That wasn't long winded at all. It was quite to the point I think.

The reason I haven't gotten out there is that you have to remember that while you know me...well, you know me. The initial interaction is the tough part for me. While people may call me "intense" and similar things, I really am not that outgoing. If I find a connection with someone then I can relax a bit, but I'm not as comfortable meeting new people as you are.

The other thing is that I really can't meet people at a comic shop or find people who are interested in RPGs as I don't actually connect with most of those people. I'm just lucky that the friends I have (back home) happen to enjoy those things too. It's not often I meet someone at a comic shop that I can strike up a non-comic conversation with. The people who I can tend to be like me in that they may have a quick conversation with the person behind the counter, but fear getting caught in a conversation with the who lives in his mom's basement. Know what I mean?

Frankly I'd rather meet people in different areas as they forces me to be outside of my hobbies. They are my hobbies, and I don't wish for them to be more than that. I have enough issue already historically with people who think that stuff defines me. I'd rather meet someone who has a sense of humor similar to mine (or can stand mine) and likes movies more than anything else.

I appreciate the kind words and the encouragement. I just gotta find some venue to meet folks. I can't seem to find anything like that which doesn't specifically target the dating lifestyle. Arrgh!
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